We've got to be in the business of rolling stones from our caves to be alive. Let the light in.

For your media needs...

SECRET IDENTITIES, the first-ever graphic novel anthology of Asian American superhero stories is out this week. In SECRET IDENTITIES, top Asian American writers, artists, actors, directors and comics professionals have come together to create twenty-six original stories centered around Asian American superheroes--stories set in a shadow history of our country, exploring ordinary Asian American life from a decidedly extraordinary perspective.

Contributors familiar from film/tv include Parry Shen, Dustin Nguyen, Greg Pak, Keiko Agena, Kelly Hu, Sung Kang, Michael Kang, and Leonardo Nam.

For more information: http://www.secretidentities.org/

Current Mood: light

Part I - Extrinsic
My parents recently sent me an email forward about Warren Buffet's words of wisdom.  One of the ideas that struck me was that he only sends one letter to the CEOs of his companies at the start of the year to outline the goals he envisions.  He states that you must hire the right people for the job.  Trust.

Now, what if we treated our family and friends as CEOs in our lives?  Imagine that you had a company for dependability, happiness and being well fed.  You could outline requests for encouragement you when you are down, occasional coffee catch-ups every so often, and that they celebrate momentous occasions with you.  Then you trust that they will deliver on these tasks.  This of course requires that you surround yourself with people who can do the job right.  How rich our lives would be.

Part II - Intrinsic
No need to sweat the small stuff.  Switch it up a bit.  I remember a friend once stated that he would perform daily tasks differently so he wouldn't get in a rut or get too comfortable with a routine.  The worst thing in life can be a routine.  Flexibility and adaptability are key.  I fall into the class of folks that doesn't like change.  I like predictability.  I feel safe and comfortable in knowing.  On the same token, I fear becoming rigid, so I push myself into uncomfortable situations.  Study abroad in a country where I don't know the language?  I eventually learned Italian.  Join a city indoor soccer league in which I know neither the team nor the rules of the game. I'm in season 2!  Sit alone in a restaurant with no book and no cell phone to get comfortable with my thoughts.  Un-learn my habits.  Change my mind.  Install new updates for the software... 

The possibility of a move looms.  Six months on the East Coast, to find myself moving again to the West Coast??  Find living arrangements, learn highway systems, new campuses, and new places to eat frozen yogurt?  It doesn't matter the details of how it gets done as long as the task is accomplished right?  That's how not to micro-manage.  I've learned that you can plan to your hearts content, but LIFE happens.  So I'm going to send myself a letter the beginning of the year setting the desired goals.  This year is 1) graduate and 2) travel to one new place. 

It doesn't matte how you get there.  Just get there.

Current Mood: optimistic

I've recently begun to value milestones.  I am a goal-oriented person and need deadlines to work towards, so the new year and birthdays are always thought-filled for me.  This is how I measure progress.  On the verge of a new year I, like many, catalog the previous year.  Was my year as productive as I had desired?  Did I take life into my own hands and not sit back as a spectator?   Have I grown as a student, sister, daughter, friend, scientist, and human being?? Each year should be better than the last...surely.

2008 was surely joyous...and most definitely trying.  I reached lows this year that I had not seen, but through them I was shown the beauty of friendship and family bonds.  I learned a little more about the definition of strength and courage.  The strength of a young, widowed woman not to give up but to continue and live and cook and pray and be a mother.  I cannot imagine the pain of losing your life's love (and for my cousins, to lose a father).  The courage to step out of our broken shells of existence to see that everyone deals with loss in some form and that life is about living for one another, not only for ourselves.

I often struggle with how flawed people are, how imperfect I am.  But I suppose imperfection is also a beautiful thing, for one yang to this ying is growth.  The opportunity for each year to improve.  The amazing chance to make good on the promises we did not fulfill the previous year.  If we were born as perfect 10s...would life be boring?



Therefore, I toast to a tumultuous two thousand and nine.

Current Mood: hopeful

We sang Jingle Bell Rock as we passed out food and drinks to the residents of Fair Park Nursing Home.  This is the second year I've participated in their holiday party.  Two classmates, 1 brother and 1 cousin joined me this year.  It's always a rewarding experience. 

Once I get past the initial shock of where I am and how sad these homes can be, I really just dive in. I love to serve people.  Getting food, refilling drinks, even feeding folks.  We all filed in with the caretakers and helped to serve the meal and sing songs and hand out our homemade cards.  One of my classmates, shy as he is even joined in the caroling.  The other classmate shared that it was difficult at first and although the warm happy fuzzy feeling never came, she was glad to get outside her comfort zone and volunteer. 

One gentleman resident commented that it was sweet for us to come and how sad he was that the holidays only come once a year.  That we only remember to spread cheer once a year?  How my soul sinks. 

How can we make time only once a year?  It's true and I'm guilty of it on many levels.  I love to buy gifts for my friends and family throughout the year but what about my community.  How much does one need to serve to fulfill the obligation of being a good citizen.  Well of course this is completely subjective and dependent on the individual.  For me...this need is perpetual.  As I sit at work and think of my career I feel this pinge that I am not more courageous to follow the path that my bleeding heart has paved for me.  I have this strong pain that hits me when I see a business man riding his bike on the way to or from work, tie flapping in the wind.  I wonder what sacrifices he's had to make or what his family is enduring.  That I am so fortunate to have a car and a heater and a roof over my head.  I see a middle aged person dining alone and I wish I had the nerve to sit next to them and share a meal and a conversation.  Social norms and fears of "what the heck do you want" prevent me 100% of the time, but one of these days...

I fear that my heart is not big enough.  On some level I know that I am given talents and gifts for a purpose, and that I will not be abandoned if I serve willing and whole-heartedly.  So the gentleman's comment resonates in me and although I promised to come back for Valentines Day, I hope I have the dedication to keep and spread the holiday cheer year round.



and today...today i let myself miss you. just today.

Current Mood: touched

I love the crunch of running on a gravel track. 
Sounds and smells play a crucial role in memory.  Sounds such as a loved ones laughter and the songs on a mixed tape. Smells such as your parents' house, the stale hallway of your dorm, and the rubbery staircase at your workplace. 

Distinct memories are fuzzily recalled when you experience specific sounds and smells a second time.  Can we associate and ingrain an experience with memory at the time of occurrence to receive that same wave of nostalgia?  Meaning...can you have both nostalgia and experience something for the first time? 



Nostalgia could be described as a pleasant feeling associated with memory.  So, I suppose this a very round a bout way to say enjoy everything to the fullest as it happens??  And my friends say I think too much...

Current Mood: mellow

when the air turns crispy.  the air a little thinner.  your nose turns a little pink from a brisk walk, you know it's beginning to look like winter.

often during this season i smell smoked wood.  the declarative and pleasantly pungent smell is immediate as i walk out the door of my place.  logically i know this is from chimneys all o'er the neighborhood, but i like to imagine that the leaves give off this odor as they turn red orange and yellow.  and why not??

Current Mood: mellow

we work so hard to find ourselves.  to discover our inner being.  to know ourselves.  but do we ever trust this "self". 

this perpetual "you" we become changes yearly...even from day to day.  i strive to better myself daily. to make myself anew.  so this perpetual self-evolution must be the rationale that judgement too can wafer as quickly as your choice for dinner.

i suppose what i'm really getting at is intuition. this idea of the gut feeling.  that kick in the belly when you just know "that person is a jerk"  or "i really shouldn't go down this dark alley alone". this gut feeling is our real inner self. let's call him joe the intuition.  joe kicks you because no matter who you have evolved to become, joe is the same.  

this mostly pertains when dealing with people. foooor example - you meet someone and joe kicks you, "they really aren't your type"...but then you second guess because maybe joe the intuition/(i) don't know my "type."    or this friend will not betray me again, they have learned...  but you know.  note that joe the intuition's arch enemy is joe the logic.  and logic is different from your conscience still.  not - i shouldn't have had this second bowl of ice cream, but i shouldn't have had ice cream on this second date.

and take caution, for the fields in which joe plays are not always equal.  the more personal the arena, the more gladiator the consequences of playing against joe the intuition for he is strong and he is never wrong.  for example, choosing a career is a personal choice yes.  impacts you daily?  yes.  but if you make the wrong choice, this can be remedied by moving companies, moving cities, getting another major.  what about a friend? a companion?  can this ill-fated choice be remedied by changing majors?  ill-fated is a poor descriptive as you knew all along it wasn't meant to be your fate...remember - joe warned you. 

so continue to evolve.  continue to discover yourself and better yourself and change your mind. please change your mind often.  but listen to joe, for the intuition is a force to be reckoned with.  ignore it and you will grieve. 


so tonight. i will rekindle my friendship with joe the intuition. i will tell joe the logic that he is a jerk. and i will better myself by getting rest.

Current Mood: disappointed

hello again! it's been a busy few months.  i'm happy to say i'm a year older, maybe a few minutes wiser, and i'm thankful for my family.

i was told recently that life is not a sprint, but a marathon.  this of course applies to my graduate school life...work will always lead to more work and more workity work work, so take your time. 

i've really taken this advice to heart.  it's not only about patience, but about prudence. that is, knowing how far to go and when enough is enough. the beauty is - this applies to other facets of life. 

FOOD.  take your time. enjoy a good meal.  eat all five courses dangit.  but know when to stop. if you are full - don't force another baked potato, you will only regret this. LOVE.  the stage after the honeymoon period is key.  remember that this is a marathon...unless you are looking to become an American statistic. CAREER. life is a marathon.  the first step is marking where you want to end up (26miles/years/breaths from here).  train. put yourself in the best shape to take the journey. steady your step - i know the thrill of the title (professor, writer, producer, photographer, parent) is at the end of the tunnel, but it will take a few ticking clocks. and believe me, Father Time doesn't have a payment plan.

Current Mood: sleepy

Frequently problems arise in my housing unit that "men" would take care of.  Broken toilets, broken dryers, spiders and worms...
I have learned to take care of these myself.  My independence has taught me that I have a little manliness in me.  I was a tomboy growing up and have always claimed I should have been born a boy - I get along with boys better, I often dress like a boy, and i like football/baseball more than barbies.  To this day, I wear a skirt every once in a while to remind myself of the true XX that I am.

However, I do not have the appearance of a boy - and so I get ripped off by service men coming to fix the larger problems in my house (i.e. electricity and air conditioning).  Luckily my roommate saved me from one calamity, but oh dear me, I am not knowledgeable when it comes to these things.  I say yes, please take my money - in fact here is my dog and my diploma.  Whatever you need, because I have no idea what really needs to be fixed.

I flaunt my independence - all you women who independent, throw your hands up at me.  but dammit, sometimes it's nice to have a guy around.

Current Mood: frustrated

the Asian Film Festival of Dallas was this week.  i had the opportunity to screen some excellent movies, excellent i say.

A Battle of Wits is a chinese movie in a time when China had 7 warring territories.  Stars Andy Lau.  the acting was great. the theme of universal love was a bit over-the-top cheesy for me.  the violence was artfully portrayed.  except for the scenes when i expected andy lau to break into a ballad, i really enjoyed the movie!

Finishing the Game, directed by Justin Lin was the next movie I watched.  freaking HIILLLARIOUS.  you all need to go watch it now.  today.  or at least when it opens nationwide in october.  a mockumentary with off the wall characters.  the filming is a unique blend of old chinese movie at times with "the office."  i went to the theater alone to watch it, but didn't even notice because i was so thoroughly entertained.

Owl and the Sparrow, by Stephane Gauger.  A vietnamese movie that is about everyday life, and the cutesy collision of 3 lives in saigon.  so beautiful.  i took my parents.  they enjoyed the story and the Saigon itself stars so perfectly in this movie.   the director comments that the movie is like a love letter to his birth city.  also a must see!!  opens in VN for Tet...ahem jimmy. :)

Never Perfect, by Regina Park.  A very thought provoking documentary about asian american women getting eyelid surgery.  the film discusses the cultural and gender aspects, but the most interesting to me was the historical aspect.  these cosmetic surgeries originated in japan over a century ago!  ideas of beauty - personal and those ingrained in us by the media and also by our families.  this film made me ponder all evening about my own ideas of beauty, and how my ethnicity and gender play into that.  watch it.  write about it.  let's share.


i would have watched all the movies had i the time.  others that i missed, but hope to catch on video: 5 Centimeters per Second (anime) and Tazza (Korean).

Current Mood: happy